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Sherri Connell, a person living with invisible disabilities in interviewed by reporter, Eric J. Welsh of the Kwantlen Chronicle.

Eric #1) What was it that made your husband think his website was needed?

Sherri's Answer: When I first was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, I was paralyzed from the ribs down. It was not difficult for my friends and family to see the struggles I was up against. Yet, it was not the wheelchair keeping me from being able to go back to work. It was the extreme fatigue, cognitive dysfunction and pain that rendered me disabled. After months of physical therapy and treatments, I regained use of my legs and began to learn to walk again. To my dismay, I was still suffering from all the other symptoms of MS that were not so apparent from the outside.

Friends began falling away, they asked, "now that you can walk, why haven't you gone back to work?" Here I was, a workaholic! It was killing me not to be able to work! Yet, many teased me about "being on vacation" or being "lucky not to have to work." I realized that once others could not "see" my limitations, they had trouble understanding or even believing they existed. After all, I had every intention of returning to work, because the chair would not have kept me from doing so.

I had written a handout on MS that I was giving to friends, family and people I would meet. Sadly, I found out that I was not the only one experiencing a lack of understanding from loved ones. I wrote another handout that addressed all types of illnesses that can cause debilitating symptoms. My husband suggested putting them up on a website. I really did not think anyone was going to read it, except for a few people I knew. I did it anyway, because I thought it would be easier to tell people, "Check out the website" instead of trying to explain my illness to them.  

Before we knew it, people living with disabilities from all over the world were visiting the website! Hundreds of people have written to us about how their loved ones finally started listening after they read the articles on the website. IDA gets about 12,000 hits a month from friends, family and sufferers who are struggling with illness and injuries. Sadly, they are not only battling their illnesses, but also for the belief from those around them who are supposed to be there to support them in this difficult time. The need for this site was much greater than we could have imagined! It breaks my heart to see so many out there not only losing careers, hobbies and abilities to care for themselves, but they are also losing friends, siblings and even spouses!

Eric #1b) Other than MS, what are some other disabilities that are "invisible"? Why?

Sherri's Answer: There are dozens of illnesses that cause a various amount of fatigue, exhaustion, cognitive difficulties, weakness, dizziness, nausea, pain and more. Some of those may include: arthritis, injuries, cfids, fibromyalgia, diabetes, parkinson's disease, lyme disease, multiple sclerosis, rsd, spinal disorders, heart disorders, lung disorders and many more. Some people have mild forms and have mostly good days; some have good and bad days; but others have more severe cases and are debilitated all of the time.

Eric #2) Why (in your opinion) do people feel the need to glare at, or say something to people like my wife (who has MS) when they park in disabled parking. Are they just being jerks?

Sherri's Answer: We all do it! When we see someone darting into an accessible parking space and jumping out of the car, so they can quickly run in we get angry! And, rightfully so! They are not only illegally parking there, but immorally parking there!

We have learned to be very protective of those spots. And, we are more than happy to sacrifice having to walk a little farther, so that the spaces can be used by those with disabilities. This is admirable, because those spots are reserved and it is great to see people respecting that! Therefore, people become passionate about the fact that "if I honored that space, then so should everyone else!"

Unfortunately, we often fail to realize that people can have a disability that is not "visible" from the outside. Legally, the spaces are reserved for people who have difficulty walking a certain distance or their conditions worsen with activity for many reasons: fatigue, breathing, weakness, dizziness, etc. These symptoms could be due to a number of different illnesses, dysfunctions, injuries and birth defects. Many wear pace-makers, braces and even prosthetics, but none are visible to the onlooker.

Thus, when we see someone getting out of the car, who "appears" to be fine we lose our tempers, assume they are cheating and sometimes even yell mean things at them. We think we are protecting the space for someone who needs it. But, the sad part is that the person in front of us might be someone who actually does need it and they even have a legal right to use it.

Eric #3) How should they handle the situation?

Sherri's Answer: If you see someone parking in an accessible parking space, you need to look for a window displayed placard or a designated plate. If you see one of those, you need to assume the person has a reason for parking there. Yes, there are people who illegally obtain these or even borrow them from a disabled friend. But, for the sake of those who have a medical need and legal right to park there, please assume that is not the case.

On the other hand, if you do not see a displayed hanger or plate, then it may be possible the person is just being lazy by taking the space. However, it is quite possible that they have simply forgotten to put their placard in the window. One might to choose to remind this person in a helpful manner that they forgot. Someone who is legally parking there will be grateful, because they do not want to mistakenly get a ticket. However, if this person is intentionally abusing the space, confronting the person is not advisable! If you are absolutely sure this person is just using the spot illegally, you can either call the sheriff's department (do not use 9-1-1) or tell the store manager to page them. If it is on private property, you will need to notify the security guard.

Many who suffer from illness and injury have a very difficult time running errands that are simple for everyone else. Without the accessible parking, many would never be able to pick up a few things from the store or go to a restaurant, because the physical price would be too high. Parking in these spots do not make the outing easy, it makes it possible. Because of the stares, glares and even threats, many do not even get out when they need to, because they are afraid to use the space that is rightfully theirs to use.

Once around Christmas time, I spent over a month trying to get up the stamina to go pick up a few gifts at a local department store. Finally, I had to just get out and do it. I parked in the accessible spot. As I was getting out of the car, a lady drove by yelling profanities and saying, "you don't LOOK disabled!" I was so devastated that I fell to the wet, snowy ground and cried for a half an hour. I finally picked myself up and forced myself into the store, because I just had to get a couple of things. I ended up collapsed in the back for over an hour, sitting on the floor with people stepping over me. All I could think about was how nobody has a clue how difficult it is to just stop by a store. They have no idea that it takes me a month just to get a couple of items. They have no idea how devastating it is to not even be able to do a bit of Christmas shopping.

Please realize that this outing may be requiring several days or even a month's worth of energy. Be thankful those with limitations can use these spots. Try to remember how you feel when you are sick in bed and realize that some people feel that way all or much of the time. Instead of giving a look or saying something negative to someone who does not "look" disabled, why not try offering a hand.

Eric #4) How should the person with the disability handle the situation? Smile and walk away? Confront the other person?

Sherri's Answer: If you have a disability and you have legal permission to park in an accessible spot, it is probably not a good idea to confront someone who is giving you a dirty look or yelling something at you. Although our first instinct is to explain why we need to park there, most likely they are not going to listen and may even become violent. They are angry and probably not willing to see your point.

There are some cases where the person may not have seen your window display, so you could hold it up for them to see. Or, you may hand them a flyer explaining your condition, need and how the spaces are reserved for people like yourself. However, the best thing to do is to expect it and ignore it. It is horrible to be treated that way, but may be advisable not to fan the flame. 

Eric #5) In talking to people with disabilities who've experienced this problem, how does it make them feel?

Sherri's Answer: Most people with invisible disabilities, who need to use accessible spaces, have experienced negative treatment when they park in a reserved spot. First of all, everyone I have talked to would jump at the chance to trade their disabled plates in for the ability to walk from the farthest parking space! To those who are healthy and able to walk, they see these spaces as a bonus or luxury! I have even had friends riding with me who got excited, because they could park close since I was with them! But, for those who have limitations, it is just a reminder of what they have lost. 

Tragically, we not only have to deal with the uphill climb through the store, but we also have to be subjected to being treated as if we are lazy, cheating or stealing from others! We are looked at like criminals and moral degenerates. We are yelled at and talked to as if we have no business being alive. Nobody knows what it took just to get to that space and nobody has any idea what it will take to get to our destination. Nobody has any idea how impossible it will seem to get back to our car and nobody has any idea of what a struggle it will be to get home. Most of all, nobody has a clue as to what a price we will pay for days or weeks, because of going on that outing.

The whole experience magnifies what we have lost, how much we struggle just to do a few things and how those around us will never understand. Yet, others think we just had it easy, took a shortcut and stole from someone who really needed it. While they are thinking how easy we have it, we are faced with a mountain to climb. What breaks my heart is that people think those with invisible disabilities are just weak and lazy. On the contrary, people with chronic conditions are actually courageous and persevering. Nevertheless, because of the attitudes of others, we often leave the parking lot feeling embarrassed, humiliated, harassed, mis-understood and even fearful of returning.

Eric #6) In British Columbia, disabled parking is identified with a wheel chair logo. Is that part of the problem? Maybe some people think unless you're in a wheelchair you shouldn't be in the space? My wife has suggested changing the logo to a big "D". Is that viable?

Sherri's Answer: I think much of the confusion about accessible parking is the wheel-chair logo on the signs. Even though the ADA explains that the sign is the "universal symbol for disability," it can cause quite a bit of confusion!

One of our website readers who uses a cane reported that she was threatened in the parking lot for using one of the spaces. Her cane was in full view, but the onlooker thought the spaces were only for those in chairs. Even for those who realize it is not only for those with chairs, the majority of people still feel the person must display a "visible" need for the space. Thus, if they are not using a walker, cane or motorized scooter, they must not be disabled.

Even though the sign is a symbol of wheelchair accessibility, as well as a universal symbol for disability, I think that taking the chair logo off of the signs would help tremendously! If it just displayed a big D for disability or A for accessibility, I think it would clear up some confusion. It has been a passion of mine to get that changed!

Eric #7) My wife was once harassed by a parking inspector at Langara college. Has anyone in her situation ever been known to file charges in a case like that?

Sherri's Answer: Once when I was parked in a local store lot, I came out of the store and got into my car. Suddenly a Sheriff pulled up behind me with his lights on and blocked me into the space. At first, I was not concerned. I figured he had the right to check to see if the window display really belonged to me. I did not have a problem with that! If he was concerned, he should ask! I grabbed my placard, registration showing it belonged to me and even a card from the local MS center explaining my condition. I figured I would show it to him and be on my way.

Much to my surprise, he could have cared less about looking the proof that I was legally parked there! He began scolding me for parking there illegally, because I did not "look" disabled. I told him I had Multiple Sclerosis. He just laughed and said, "You have multiple how many problems?" My heart was about to jump out of my chest! There was no explaining or reasoning with this man! He accused me of stealing the placard, even though I had proof it was mine! He tried to humiliate me for supposedly taking the spot from "someone who needed it."

After about 15 minutes of trying to explain to him, crying and being stared at by passersby, I told him, "Give me your name and badge number!" He was in the process of writing a ticket, but I told him he better move his car or he was going to be in real trouble. I shouted this so that the people standing by watching could hear. By this time I was terrified, embarrassed and angry. If I had been thinking clearly, I would have gotten his superior on the cell phone right then. But I was shaking so hard I could hardly breathe. I jotted down his name and number and once he looked around to see all of the people watching, he left.

I went home and called the sergeant. I filed a formal complaint and was later notified that he was suspended! Once again, I have no problem with an officer or security guard asking for proof that the plates belong to me. Nonetheless, there was NO excuse for the refusal to accept the proof and explanation I had to offer!

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